SORRY

So hey blog world. There's some things that I need to get off my chest. First off, I tend to feel guilty about things really easily and for a long time. So maybe some of these things are dumb but some of them definitely deserve to be said. So here goes. 

First, and most importantly, I am very sorry to AJ for ditching her table. I shouldn't have changed for Farmer--he should have sucked it up. I was trying to avoid making anyone unhappy and instead I ended up being a crappy friend. 

Secondly, I am sorry to Chatterbox for giving her a dirty look in the halls before fifth period today. I was in a bad mood and tried to give a funny friendly look but it just probably looked like I wanted her to  take the next flight to Alaska. 

Thirdly, I am sorry to Farmer. I am sorry that everyone made it seem like we had a thing which was probably embarrassing for you since I don't like you and you definitely doesn't like me. I am sorry for believing you wrote a nasty note and I'm sorry that I was such a horrible Sadie Hawkins date. And also, today fifth period when I tried to make small talk with you to show that it wasn't weird and awkward between us (which it is) and ended up accidentally insulting your mark on our test and making it seem like I was bragging about mine. I wasn't I promise. 

Lastly, I am sorry to unicycle boy, for having the weirdest fricking dream about you ever and making for an awkward bus ride (stay tuned for a post about that).

If I've ever accidentally or even on purpose insulted someone, I apologize for that as well.

Okay. *deep sigh*

That feels better.

Stay classy, internet.

Jetta

P.S. I got a new iPod touch today which is exciting hopefully that will help me to blog more...and waste more time playing 2048 *shhhhhh*

Fed up

Today is wednesday, the last day that I went to school was last thursday. Almost one full week I have not been at school. I hate school.Actually I despise it. If I could drop out I probably would except I know that I want a good future (one that involves my parents being somewhat proud of me). I can honestly say Ive never really felt this lost before though.  

Lately I have found that interacting with other people just really makes me sick, like actually physically throughing up and a bad migraine. Twenty four seven. I dont know if its because every aspect of my life just keeps piling up like extra baggage I dont need, or maybe because Im so sick and tired of how much change is going on around me. I hate change,I like to know what going on and whats going to happen next. I also hate waiting and surprises which normally go hand in hand, which would explain my strong dislike for my birthday,christmas, pop quizzes, meeting someone I've never herd of before and any form of anticipation or not knowing. 

Surprise.

Now you know. 

People change and Im sure Im one of them. I only have close friends because bestfriends is an over used term and somedays the "best" friend turns into the "I really would love to slap some sense into you" friend. Ive certainly had those friends (still do) and I've most likely been that friend who should have been slapped. 

Ive decided this blog is going to be a hate rant. Brace yourself this could get ugly. 

Welcome to my hate list ladies and gentlemen . (Just kidding I'm talking to myself because no one reads this blog.) 

•I hate that nobody reads this blog except Jetta, Briar, and I.  I wish we could use our real names and tell people about this blog, but nooooooooo.  

•I hate meat. I like chicken. Meat is just plain gross I could care less if it was an animal, I just downright dislike the taste,not a fan. 

•I hate when people change just for someone else and dont even realize it, and then they ditch their closest friends table for the dance just because farmer doesn't like the table group she picked and to make matters worse Jetta claims she doesn't like him but then why does she do what he wants and do what will make him happy? 

OPEN YOUR FRICKING EYELIDS JETTA. you deserve better then him.... AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CHICKS BEFORE DICKS? 

•I hate being adopted, I wish I knew who I laughed like,talked like, and over all am like. 

•I hate spaghetti.looks like worms in some form of planet Mars dirt. 

•I hate coming home from school and getting told that we have an event where we will be attending as a family. FOR PETES SAKE ASK ME FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF TELLING ME. 

•I hate the feeling of anxiety. 

•I hate my school because people dig into the past and use it against me. Not fair. I left my old school to get away from that. If you have that much time on your hands do something more beneficial for everyone.....for instance testing out the theory of skydiving without a parachute. thank you.

•I hate having adhd. I hate bring medicated. I feel cadged. 

•I hate the color orange it repulses me! You could offer me an expensive orange Prada bag for free and I would decline. Except for the fruit the orange, I'm fine with that. I hate Cheetos they're orange. 

•I hate having to do piano exams in August. August is my birthday month, happy birthday to me....I dont understand why you need to get tested,as if it proves anything! I can tickle the ivories. As my mom puts it.

ladefrickingduh. 

If they want to test me for anything they should test to see if I'm sane. Oh wait....

•I hate feeling not accepted. I dont feel accepted at school. Im not super smart, Im not really all that athletic, I just know how to keep fit, Im not super pretty, and there are people who can sing a lot better then I can. I dont have a purpose at school, and at home my purpose is to dry and wash dishes. My younger brother is a child genius. Both my parent have masters in something. Welcome to my faBULLous life of being a black sheep (except I'm actually beige and not a sheep)

Sure, things happen in my life, but not really things that are gonna matter in ten years or even next month. 

Jetta is like Mozart and Einstein who got stuck in a blender and poured into a super models body. Briar's got the brains of Einstein and the looks of Rapunzel, then add a dash of the movie tangled, and it sums her up. They both have the doors wide open for they're future. Im Allura, I like food and complaining and Netflix, I am going to be sneaking out the window for my future. I dive head first into the shallow end for fun sometimes. (metaphorically speaking) Story of my life. 

•I like freshly cut grass, just kidding I hate it, It makes me cry and want to rip my eyeballs out from their very sockets. Im allergic.

Now this is where I conclude this blog,rant,post,ramble or whatever you call all THIS.

*imagine a mind blowing  conclusion blurb placed here*

★  AJ over and out  ★

Mirror Mirror

I think its call an epiphany. Where you come to the realization and you admit something. Like yesterday night I received a Facebook message from my old best friend last night. She and myself had a giant blow out last summer which resulted in her going back to our old school because I was a major bitch. Anyways I shall name her MirrorMirror because she and I are so similar, we mirror each others personality, style and opinions without even trying and without even consulting the each others opinions. 

She messaged me last night and we started talking again, catching up on every detail that we had missed from each others lives, remembering memories and planning new adventures like ones in the past. Together we were and now are double trouble. Kindred spirits. Queen Bees. Mirrored. 

Its crazy how I now have my old bestfriend back as my sister once again . She also might be coming back to my school!!! I am so pumped. Sometimes I feel like Im the only one who thinks crazy in my school (Briar and Jetta are FABULOUS dont get me wrong, but MirrorMirror and I do amped up crazy which is easy because her and I are both head strong,Bold and most definitely not guy shy)  MirrorMirror can practically read my mind from just a devious expression on my face. 

I just don't want all the drama that happened in grade 10 because of her and i getting into arguments, mind you they were mostly over Farmer. 

Oh yeah did I forget to mention Farmer and I had a thing last year ..... and MirrorMirror is Farmers exgirlfriend. MirrorMirror and I always land up going for the same guy. Except now she has a boyfriend to tame her down a bit. *amen* And I like a guy ;) (whose not her boyfriend) 

Well I have to go to choir. But I am so excited, hopefully this turns out for the best and if not then I'm in for a doozy. 

xoxo AJ over and out. 

P.S. It snowed here..... I thought this was spring..... LAME LAMAS

P.S.S. I told you so Jetta ;) 

Dear AJ (& Briar, when she gets a chance to read it)

Dear AJ,
First of all, thanks for taking the time to write to me, I was very touched. No thank you to saying I told you so so many times, really? I mean REALLY? Second of all, I'm glad you had such a great spring break without me. I had a wonderful time doing school and practicing all week. #dreamspringbreak #betyouwishyouwereme 

Second of all, I regret to inform you that I have not found any really cute Inuks though I have had my eyes peeled. I bet they're good kissers because most of them have about 11-16 teeth which frees up your tongue to ya know … do what it does. Wow that sounded sketchy. And kind of mean, the thing about the teeth I mean, though it is mostly true. 

I'm having a rather challenging experience right now, to be honest. This culture is so opposite to what I am used to and my personality. I'm in the great north, by the way for any readers reading this. (LOL READERS THAT'S FUNNY CAUSE THERE IS NONE) Privacy is NOT stressed--people's doors are unlocked and at least 10 people come in and out of the house where I'm staying every day. Jetta is bad at socializing. Jetta does not like meeting new people. Jetta does not like making small talk. And Jetta goes absolutely stark raving mad if she doesn't get alone time every day. This is proving to be difficult here. Currently I have holed myself up in my upstairs room in my bed and am doing my best to stay here all evening, despite my mother's protests and the stupidly cute children who keep coming in here to try and get me out. 

Added to all of this is the fact that I'm supposed to be helping my mom out with workshops for the youth from 9-4. My job as 'helper' is to socialize, interact, ask questions of, and generally be friendly to the kids. MY PERSONAL HELL WOULD PROBABLY LOOK SIMILAR TO THIS JOB. As previously stated, I am bad at socializing, interacting, asking questions of and being friendly to people. You may find this difficult to believe seeing as you are my friends and this seems to come easier to me when I'm with you, but believe me, I am awful. 

But the thing is, these kids are all so … strong, I guess is the word I'm looking for. They've had something like 5 suicides in their town this year already, probably some of them people they've known well. And the town where I am is just that--a small town where everyone knows everyone. I can't imagine. Many of the girls dress like boys and have haircuts like boys to the point where I actually thought they were boys until I figured out otherwise. Awkward moment. Yes. Yes it was. Although I don't know the reason for sure, I know that sexual abuse is really rampant here. My mom said over half of the girls my age have had some sort of abuse in their history. So these girls might be dressing as manly and unattractive as possible to avoid being abused, which is just about the saddest thing ever. 

And yet they manage to laugh often, help out without being asked, and pay attention all day, which I'll be honest is sometimes more than I've done. One of the girls said that every night her dad reminds her how she's not his actual daughter. Every night. I can't even imagine. And I wish so much I could just know what to say to these girls and be friendly and socialize but I honestly just sit there frozen with nothing in brain and nothing coming out of my mouth. It makes me so angry and so helpless that I couldn't just be talented at this. 

My mom came into my room after the day today to give me a lecture when I informed her I would not be accompanying her to an old friend of her's house for dinner or practicing violin. I was mad because she kept shooting me dirty looks like 'you could be doing more here' and 'just say something' all day and pretty much said that my attitude sucked and everyone was wondering what was wrong with me at the workshop. 

Which just made things worse because it wasn't an attitude, it's who I am. And if something's wrong with me, something's just wrong with me then. Sorry, mom, that I'm not able to talk about nothing and socialize the way you can. Sorry I can't be with people 24/7 and be chatty and friendly. Sorry I don't talk very much during the day and sorry that I don't want to go to another stranger's house and sit there and listen to you talk for 2 hours. But I need time to be by myself.

Now this just sounds like one big self-centred rant. Which I guess it kind of is, sorry AJ & Briar. There are lots of things I am enjoying about being here. I just can't think of them right now because I'm too mad at my mom and myself.

Anyways, if you made it through good for you! Miss you and see you soon, have a great week at school and give Porcupine a big hug from me! HAHA JK give it to Farmer JK AGAIN I'M IN A WEIRD MOOD DON'T TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY OKAY DON'T HUG ANY BOYS UNLESS YOU WANT TO THEN IT'S OKAY I GUESS K BYE NOW

Jetta

Jettaplane

My dearest  Jetta,

First off Id love to just say a long over due "I told you so". You have no clue how long those words have been sitting in my very being just waiting to surface and be expelled from my fingertips onto the inter-webs. Lets face it Sissy I told you so and well ... it was so ... SO FRICKING RIGHT OF ME! because I TOLD YOU SO. Okay Im done, its out of my system. Just kidding you this is a glorious moment. I told you so young sapling.

 Also congratulations on being able to drive me around places legally. I am SOOO taking advantage of your legal driving skills from now on, so I say lets go celebrate and go shopping in the city. Then after we shop until we drop/run out of money I'll say to you I TOLD YOU SO because I can :) 

Anyways I love yaaaaaa Jettaplane, I  hope you are having fun with the polar bears, don't get mauled. Bring me home a cute eskimo.(I hear they're good kissers) 

AJ over and out

P.S. ~ 

JETTA COME HOME PLEASE 

P.S.S. ~

I told you so :) 

Tactful thinking/Dear Jetta

My friend SmokinGinger (she is a ginger and she smokes weed) anyways she pierced my second earrings for me today with a tac and an apple. What tactful thinking eh ;) (please applaud my fabulous pun)  Don't  worry she sterilized everything! Also she did Briars first holes. Heres a picture of my seconds. I had my cartilage and first done for a while. Anywhoha I hope you are reading this Jetta because you just missed such an eventful day. I hope you are having a fun time gallivanting around with the polar bears in the frozen ice location where you are at without me (teardrop). Also Jetta I skipped chemistry to chill with Blackbeauty and SmokinGinger, also the school dean is pregnant ( that means they had sex in school residents because thats where they live....thats so gross like actually). As I leave you on that wonderful note I am going to go curl up in a small ball with my fleece jets blanket and watch Heroes. xoxox AJ over and out 

And Jetta.... COME HOME 

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU A COOKIE AND THEN IT TAKES IT AWAY AGAIN

So. It's been a while.
My life's been pretty great. I mean, let me just count the ways why my life is awesome today:
1. I'm sick, which is just great because let's face it I love kleenex so much I look for any excuse to use up entire boxes of it at a time, which works now because my nose has recently taken up the occupation of being a living mucous faucet, so kleenex is basically my BFF. 
2. I'm sick on spring break, which means I don't have to miss any school, which is awesome because I freaking love school so much, I'd get separation anxiety from having to stay away for something as little as the flu. 
3. Let's get real here: You know what's really great? Confusion. It's practically my favourite feeling. Next to unproductiveness, laziness, and that eye ache feeling you get after looking at a computer screen too long. All of which I am currently experiencing. And you know what's even better than just plain confusion? Confusion about guys. ESPECIALLY when you thought you had things sorted out and then everything just got screwed up again. It keeps things interesting, that's what I always say. If you know what's going on, well it's not very much fun then. 
4. I got to borrow my brother's clothes. I mean, how cool is that? Because I don't have a pair of comfy sweats to call my own, my brother generously donated his old, ratty navy swim team sweats which I then wore on a trip to the city because sweats are styling'. Especially too-short brother's sweats.
5. One of the underrated pleasures in life: slowly feeling the mucous drain from one nostril to the other. JK, I actually prefer mouth-breathing until your lips turn into real-life replicas of the sahara desert.
6. Best way to feel productive when you have a lot of homework and practicing to do: spend five hours playing online poker and cupcake games. Seriously, if you haven't tried this, nothing will make you feel more rejuvenated and better about yourself.
7. Staying in bed for five hours without moving takes a lot of talent which I am proud to say I possess. 

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha jk that was all true. *laughs hysterically* *stops laughing* *cries*

Okay so if you couldn't tell, which apparently a lot of people can't, that was all sarcasm. Except for that last bit about it all being true. (A  lot of people at school think I lie through my teeth about everything, which while it may be partially true, is also due to the fact that no-one understands sarcasm)

I guess there are some good things about this week. Like, I got my driver's so I'M THE FIRST ONE BOOYAH BRIAR AND AJ EVEN THOUGH I'M THE YOUNGEST I STILL DO GROWN UP THINGS AND LET THIS BE A LESSON FOR LEAVING ON SPRING BREAK AND ABANDONING ME TO ROT HERE. 

Briar and AJ are off galavanting together on this trip thing, so they're probably having a super fantastic time doing fun things together. I should add that to my list of sarcastically awesome things about this week. 

So sorry for all this random ranting, I'm kind of tired and bored and not sure what to do with myself. Stupid Farmer keeps messaging me and then not replying when I message him back well I don't even care go get eaten by a llama.. 

Stay classy, internet. 

Jetta

P.S. I may also have asked Farmer to sadie's so I just felt it was fair to tell you though if AJ says I told you so I'll be mad so don't you do it AJ