Dear AJ,
First of all, thanks for taking the time to write to me, I was very touched. No thank you to saying I told you so so many times, really? I mean REALLY? Second of all, I'm glad you had such a great spring break without me. I had a wonderful time doing school and practicing all week. #dreamspringbreak #betyouwishyouwereme
Second of all, I regret to inform you that I have not found any really cute Inuks though I have had my eyes peeled. I bet they're good kissers because most of them have about 11-16 teeth which frees up your tongue to ya know … do what it does. Wow that sounded sketchy. And kind of mean, the thing about the teeth I mean, though it is mostly true.
I'm having a rather challenging experience right now, to be honest. This culture is so opposite to what I am used to and my personality. I'm in the great north, by the way for any readers reading this. (LOL READERS THAT'S FUNNY CAUSE THERE IS NONE) Privacy is NOT stressed--people's doors are unlocked and at least 10 people come in and out of the house where I'm staying every day. Jetta is bad at socializing. Jetta does not like meeting new people. Jetta does not like making small talk. And Jetta goes absolutely stark raving mad if she doesn't get alone time every day. This is proving to be difficult here. Currently I have holed myself up in my upstairs room in my bed and am doing my best to stay here all evening, despite my mother's protests and the stupidly cute children who keep coming in here to try and get me out.
Added to all of this is the fact that I'm supposed to be helping my mom out with workshops for the youth from 9-4. My job as 'helper' is to socialize, interact, ask questions of, and generally be friendly to the kids. MY PERSONAL HELL WOULD PROBABLY LOOK SIMILAR TO THIS JOB. As previously stated, I am bad at socializing, interacting, asking questions of and being friendly to people. You may find this difficult to believe seeing as you are my friends and this seems to come easier to me when I'm with you, but believe me, I am awful.
But the thing is, these kids are all so … strong, I guess is the word I'm looking for. They've had something like 5 suicides in their town this year already, probably some of them people they've known well. And the town where I am is just that--a small town where everyone knows everyone. I can't imagine. Many of the girls dress like boys and have haircuts like boys to the point where I actually thought they were boys until I figured out otherwise. Awkward moment. Yes. Yes it was. Although I don't know the reason for sure, I know that sexual abuse is really rampant here. My mom said over half of the girls my age have had some sort of abuse in their history. So these girls might be dressing as manly and unattractive as possible to avoid being abused, which is just about the saddest thing ever.
And yet they manage to laugh often, help out without being asked, and pay attention all day, which I'll be honest is sometimes more than I've done. One of the girls said that every night her dad reminds her how she's not his actual daughter. Every night. I can't even imagine. And I wish so much I could just know what to say to these girls and be friendly and socialize but I honestly just sit there frozen with nothing in brain and nothing coming out of my mouth. It makes me so angry and so helpless that I couldn't just be talented at this.
My mom came into my room after the day today to give me a lecture when I informed her I would not be accompanying her to an old friend of her's house for dinner or practicing violin. I was mad because she kept shooting me dirty looks like 'you could be doing more here' and 'just say something' all day and pretty much said that my attitude sucked and everyone was wondering what was wrong with me at the workshop.
Which just made things worse because it wasn't an attitude, it's who I am. And if something's wrong with me, something's just wrong with me then. Sorry, mom, that I'm not able to talk about nothing and socialize the way you can. Sorry I can't be with people 24/7 and be chatty and friendly. Sorry I don't talk very much during the day and sorry that I don't want to go to another stranger's house and sit there and listen to you talk for 2 hours. But I need time to be by myself.
Now this just sounds like one big self-centred rant. Which I guess it kind of is, sorry AJ & Briar. There are lots of things I am enjoying about being here. I just can't think of them right now because I'm too mad at my mom and myself.
Anyways, if you made it through good for you! Miss you and see you soon, have a great week at school and give Porcupine a big hug from me! HAHA JK give it to Farmer JK AGAIN I'M IN A WEIRD MOOD DON'T TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY OKAY DON'T HUG ANY BOYS UNLESS YOU WANT TO THEN IT'S OKAY I GUESS K BYE NOW
Jetta
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