Hey y'all I hope you all had a good weekend! Im finally feeling normal enough to start blogging. Im gonna just jump to why I wasn't feeling normal. but ill begin with the back story of it.
My best guy friend and I broke up about a month ago (now my ex boyfriend but we're still good friends) Him and I are still pretty close, and no I'm not over him because I'm just not. There is no better explanation I can give you. (this random starter fact will make sense at the end) (hopefully)
But anyways this weekend I got asked out on a date by this wonderful guy I'm going to call "L". He goes to our school. He's tall (tall guys are perfect because Im only like 5"4 ish', hes like 6"2') and he's cute, an has what I consider an acceptable hockey flow. L is the typical bad boy, good looks, good dresser, has his way with the ladies, and a history with partying and partying related "activities".
My recall of my Friday night date
7:00 ish pm
So here I was riding passenger with L driving after we had picked out the movie "Bad Grampa" and L asks if we should go cruising or not, and of course me being all giddy and stuff like that I said yes. (idiot idiot idiot idiot)
7:15 ish pm
Then he pulls out a water bottle, (ohhhahhhhh waterbottle) but you see dear darlings this water bottle is a homemade bong which is used to smoke weed. We parked in a parking lot out in the outskirts of town and I got the offer to smoke a bong. (I had asked to do it once before christmas because I was super curious and wanted to impress L because ive liked him befor) but now this was for real, So I said sure (idiot idiot idiot) I did it once and coughed so hard i thought i had no throat, so I said okay no more for me. But then L being a "gentle man " helped me do it again though the right way except I inhaled to much that I coughed and suddenly felt like i was glitching. well this is what high feels like....oh shit my parents are going to kill me. (sorry i swore,but it was my thoughts at that moment)
I remember him giving me eye drops and I told him what about my mascara it might get ruined and He started to laugh at me. (but like honestly I'm still myself apparently when I'm high, worried about my make up ha wow AJ way to be on your game props to me ).
So we drove back to his house which I don't remember how I got to his basement I just remember sitting on his couch thinking how fuzzy my tongue was. He was beside me and I cuddled up to him and I closed my eyes (idiot idiot idiot)
8:19 ish pm
I felt like I was spiraling through all the wrong things I had done in my life and that I was going to gradually fall into hell, but then I realized I was super blazed and told L something or at least tried to but it came out as murmurs. He said something i don't remember what but the all of sudden I was just sitting there on his couch and started crying,and sobbing that something was wrong and I wanted it to be gone. and yes I cried with my mascara (which wasn't waterproof) and then there was him trying to comfort me and telling me not to cry and that id be alright the feeling would go away in a couple hours. (okay that was kinda cute but i felt like I was dying ,so no,not so cute) I couldn't breath and I couldn't stand properly on my own, he had to basically hold me to make it up the stairs after I cried for him to drive me home. (I hate crying)
In the car I was breathing so hard I was almost hyperventilating or thats what it felt like to me. I think he held my hand , I don't know maybe that was my hand holding my other hand . I dont know.
This was also the first time i didn't kiss a guy goodbye when getting out of the car. (It was because my tongue felt like it was fuzzy like fleece) oh well he deserved not getting kissed that night. (no offense to him and all but it was kinda his fault I felt fuzzy )
8:30 ish pm
Ringing that doorbell had never been so hard. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't count my fingers or the fact that I needed to tell my parents what I did. So picture this,me standing on my porch ringing the doorbell frantically and sobbing my eyes out as the lights from L's vechical are pulling away. well lets just skip past me telling Mimmy and Daddy, and me telling them I need to got to the hospital cause of my medication (surprise I'm a screwed up teenager so I need ADHD meds) maybe its reacting with whatever I bonged, to me puking everything up ,and to me hallucinating that my ex boyfriend was there sitting with me (i don't know why him but he looked pretty attractive (as he normally does) He seemed so real. (like honestly I wish you could see him he's so mmmmmm ) but Mimmy told me later I was yelling his name and something about his hair..... wtf right?!?!?)(okay but his hair though👌) sorry but then it was back to me feeling like I was falling, and blacking out and then throughing up some more. (Sorry Mimmy for barfing in all your pots and on your rug) it was an ugly rug anyways. kinda blended in.
This all happened on friday but my high lasted until saturday night. (lol im a light weight drinker and I got greened out the first time i get high which lasted a good (terrible) 24 hours ....... wow ) so all in all I'm an idiot. and also I forgot my purse at L's house which I got back today with an awkward how are you feeling from L. (*inside my head* ummmm Im horrible and i hate you because you didnt walk me to my door when i could barley walk so you know how about just no .... ) what really happened , "Im fine, I have to go to class.... oh Hi Briar lets go" *cough* cough*
Fun times. not.
Im still afraid to close my eyes because I keep flashing back to what happened. But what I'm scarred of most is that 45 minuets ish of having no recall of what happened at L's house except him touching my leg. or maybe I hallucinated that ? I don't know and I don't remember and it terrifies me.
I called my Ex and explained everything that happened. Dumb thing to do? nope. He said there was probably a reason and a lesson I should get off this. hint hint? nudge nudge? slap slap ? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES AJ YOU LIKE HIM. NO AJ BAD BADABADABAD.< my inner battle.
now to sum all this up. because its getting to long (sorry) Did I do it (get high) to rebound from my ex? maybe. Did it work?no. Do I know if I like L or my Ex? nope. cause I'm stupid. You can probably tell I'm a jumbled mess. So yes I learned my lesson . But im just more confused then I was before this all happened.
I don't even know any more.
AJ over and out ★
oh wait just kidding I'm back because apperrantly I have to officially add something to this burn book (whoops I guess this ain't just a rant ) , umm so I officially burn L and Me to this book. so ha L you've been burnt, and I burnt myself. ouch.
okay for real this time.
AJ over and out ★
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