I don't know about you, but I've always had a rather overactive imagination. Not that I'm complaining, really, I mean I'd probably take that over a non-functioning one and there are perks to it, obviously. But there are also downsides. Large downsides. Large, scary downsides that hide in dark corners and make weird sounds at you when you're home alone.
Okay that was melodramatic. My imagination again, sorry.
In addition to this overactive mind, I also have a worrying problem. I worry incessantly about almost everything. What if I sit down for lunch first and no-one else sits at my table? What if I drop my tray all over someone that I don't know? What if this guy with the pedo stache sitting next to me want to chop me into little pieces? That kind of thing. And the last thing that really contributes to this is my worst-case scenario mentality. They say people who have this mentality think that if they cover the worst thing that could possibly happen, then they're prepared for anything. Sort of the idea of not getting excited for things in case they don't happen, but in reverse. Yes, that weird scratching noise could be the dog wanting to go out but it could also be cold, clawed fingers scratching at the door, searching for the doorknob and OH GOD I'M GOING TO DIE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.
Things that make my mind monsters worse:
1) Being home alone
2) Darkness
3) Weird sounds
4) Having to take the dog outside when there is most probably a murderous clown lurking under the trampoline wanting to dismember me slowly and then bury me under a drift for my parents to find when the snow melts.
Things that are all true as of right now: The above.
SO yeah I am freaking out a little bit. Though it's better now. I was recording myself singing and playing piano, precisely because there is no-one home, and heard a weird sound and whipped around so fast I almost got windburn. The funniest part is that I caught it on tape so I can watch myself overreact as many times as I like. Wait, that's not funny.
When I was younger, I had a really, really hard time falling asleep at night. Embarrassing confession: I slept on my parent's floor a lot until I was around 10-11. (but bonus: I like sleeping on floors now) My mind would just come up with the creepiest, most random-ass things that would terrify me and I would lay awake and sweat until my sheets were wetter than if I'd actually wet the bed. I remember having an earnest conversation with my dad about how I could control my thoughts and I didn't have to do this to myself that it was up to me.
Well, yes dad, I guess you were partially right. In the same way as hypothetically you can control an angry lion who hasn't had food in a few days with a chunk of raw steak. It can be done, but there's a good chance that the lion will find an even larger chunk of raw meat (you) and dig into that instead. Maybe that's a bad metaphor. I guess what I'm getting at is, almost everything has a reward and a punishment, and up and a down side. I wouldn't trade the good parts of an imagination for the world, but sometimes people don't see the downsides. In fact sometimes you yourself have a hard time recognizing them. It's like when you go to bed, and think of this terrifying thing and are petrified with fear half the night, and then you wake up in the morning and you're like pfffff yeah like that was even a little scary and then the same thing happens again that night? Or when you get sick and are in pain and you say you'll never take not feeling pain for granted again but then of course you do the next day?
It's a cycle. There's ups and downs just like life, and all I'm really trying to do here is convince myself that I'm on a ferris wheel and I may be at the bottom now but I'm going up.
Right?
Of course.
Now excuse me while I go and turn on all the lights and hide under the covers with the phone beside me in case of emergencies.
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