Last night AJ and Briar stayed over in residence at school and AJ and Farmer were messaging. I really don't want to go through all of the details but the gist of it is he doesn't want to date anyone, apparently. And he even told me the same when I 'accidentally' found AJ's iPod and read the messages.
I'm still deciding exactly what I think of this. On the one hand, I think it's good because logically and rationally I do not want to date anyone right now, and much less Farmer because he's a bit of a
And I can understand why he doesn't want to date anyone considering he said he's spoken 3 words to his ex since they broke up and actually none of his dating relationships have worked out.
On the other hand, I guess I'm a little disappointed because I did like him and so even if I shouldn't or wouldn't have dated him, I'm not going to try and deny that I wanted to. Actually what I really want to do is (okay this is going to sound weird and maybe creepy and definitely awkward but here goes) kiss him. Which is, you know, odd because I've never even kissed anyone. Oh yeah, another fun fact for you. Sweet 16 and never been kissed.
But somehow being a make out buddy sounds actually more appealing than dating someone. Maybe that's messed up. Maybe that's very messed up considering I've never even made out with someone so maybe I should know what's it's like before I decide.
But to be honest, I get sick of people quite easily, especially people that I like and especially when they show interest in me. So the whole commitment aspect of boyfriend/girlfriend scares me.
And though I'm sick with the flu and at home not at school, I'm actually in quite a good mood for once because I think I'm pretty much over Farmer. I hardly even care now if he likes me or not, and though I might have been disappointed about what he said I wasn't even sad. Plus today I noticed how he does this weird clapping thing with one hand and sang really weirdly in class and it was kind of one of those epiphanies where you realize people aren't always likeable and/or attractive.
I'm sure all my friends will be very happy to hear this news and it's kind of a relief to write it to be honest.
So there we are. Judge me if you will for any of this, I don't really blame you. I feel so free. It's wonderful.
Jetta
You know what's funny, last year, when I got my first kiss at 15, I wanted the same as u, just a kissing buddy, no messy relationship, just because it seemed like less a hassle and besides, technically i'm not allowed to date anyways so i would be hiding from my parents, but then what ended up happening is that as he was giving me my "kissing lessons" and we were just 'having fun' it was like a real relationship just not acknowledged. until i wanted to acknowledge except by the time i came up with that decision, he had moved up.
ReplyDeleteSee, love lives are messy, i get it ;)
Hey, Jetta here--man that sounds like it sucks. I'll try to learn my lesson from you and not jump into something headfirst. In other news, you may find it curious to know that the person who asked you to write a post about platypuses and I are one and the same. Interesting coincidences:)
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